Stan Son gives you a chance to share your fantasy horror stories with the world
Per Request is a series for you, the reader. You choose the topic. I will delve into it as deeply as possible and present it in an entertaining fashion…I hope.
To submit your request, email sonfantasyfootball@gmail.com or contact me on Twitter @Stan_Son.
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Today’s request comes from Matthew:
“Write up/send in stories of crushing defeats, Monday night losses, trades finalized right after an injury, etc. No one listens to your fantasy football pain story like your column does. Maybe call it Fantasy Bartenders’ corner or something.
Other ideas…
Trash talk targets:
Say a highly started guy terribly tanks, share some quips/liners that I can shoot at the Brady owner after that three-interception week.
Share various “in-season games” that leagues’ play to spice it up beyond standard scoring.”
First off, I apologize to Matthew for taking so long to write this article. I didn’t have a clue on how I wanted address his suggestions. So, I finally sat down and just started writing. My plan? To just write and hope that something comes to me. I’m hoping it doesn’t end like this…
“There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn, and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely, but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.” – Mark Twain
This quote was the first thing that came to my mind when thinking about how to broach this topic. I know that Adam Rank and the NFL Fantasy Live crew did a “Fantasy Bartender” thing. Bill Simmons had his popular reader mailbag. There are countless forums where people share and discuss their bad luck.
I first thought of being a fantasy football therapist. The rate that therapists charge is ridiculous, though. I’m a man of the people. Then I thought about being a fantasy football priest. I went to a Catholic elementary school. I’m not Catholic, but I still had to attend mass and all that good stuff. The one thing that always tripped me out was the confessional box. You walk into a box, and the priest is on the other side. You know the priest is on the other side, yet there’s a wall and a sliding screen so you can’t see each other. Kind of creepy and weird if you ask me. You spill your guts out, and the priest offers penance.
I believe in God, so I didn’t want to do anything to anger Him. Plus, it would be blasphemous to say that I’m a priest, even though it would be a fantasy football one. Anyways, religion is a touchy subject.
A medical ventilator is a machine designed to mechanically move breathable air into and out of the lungs, to provide the mechanism of breathing for a patient who is physically unable to breathe or breathes insufficiently. Ever felt like this guy after a gut-wrenching loss for your fantasy football team?
I will become your conduit to recover from the fantasy football bull!@#$! I will be your ventilator. Tell me your stories that cause you physical pain. I will provide a platform for you to tell your story to the world! And people will read because we enjoy reveling in the pain of others. I’ll comment and maybe add a picture, but I can’t guarantee they will be funny.
Send your stories of fantasy pain to sonfantasyfootball@gmail.com and write VENTILATOR in the subject line.
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Stan Son is a correspondent at FantasyPros. To read more from Stan, check out his archive and follow him @Stan_Son.
