The 10 Fantasy Football Commandments

Thou shalt follow the 10 fantasy football commandments

You know, after we settle down, get married, and add the two-and-a-half kids and the dog, we have a tendency to forget some of our old flames. Sure, there were good times in your teens and twenties, but who can remember his or her former life before real world responsibilities?

But I have one old girlfriend that I will never forget. Don’t ask me why, but her parents had this enormous lunch party every Sunday. I mean, fancy sandwiches, bow ties, the works. And this girl, let’s call her Laura, knew it was crazy, and she also knew I loved fantasy football. She wanted to help me out, but she refused to lie to her parents, and apparently she thought “fantasy football” was an inadequate excuse. So, for many Sundays, I sucked it up, ate some meatless food that I couldn’t pronounce, and wore my clip-on bowtie.

One Monday night, I was watching the final football game of the week and was in an insanely close fantasy football matchup. I desperately needed a Reggie Wayne touchdown, and said something silly, like “Please God, let this throw go to Wayne.” Laura overheard me, and boom. Every Sunday from then on, Laura could accurately tell her parents that I was unable to attend the Sunday luncheon because I was attending “religious services.”

I know what you’re thinking – I should have married that girl. I know, but if you met my wife, you’d understand why I didn’t. However, Laura and I have kept in touch through the years, and I’ll dedicate this article to the only non-fantasy player I know that understood that fantasy football was my religion. So, Laura, in your honor, here are my 10 Fantasy Football Commandments. As was ordained several thousand years ago, the first five pertain to drafting, while the second five go to in-season management.

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1. Thou shalt know thy league’s settings

Legitimately, every single year, someone in one of my long-time leagues asks in the chat room during the draft, “How many RBs (or WRs) do we start?” Let’s put aside the fact that the draft room actually has the starting spots we need to fill staring us right in the face. How do you possibly enter a draft without knowing exactly how many of each position you need to start? I get it, many of us, myself included, have several leagues. But come on. You can’t expect to seriously compete for the top prize absent knowing your scoring system, your starting requirements, the number of roster spots, the number of teams, and the free agent periods. It’s the first commandment, and it is a must.

2. Thou shalt mock until you can mock no more

My best friend always names his team, “Mocked and Loaded.” I find it incredibly clever, and, at the same time, incredibly ironic, because he rarely does mock drafts and his real ones kind of stink. Mock drafts and mock auctions are a necessity. You can test out strategies. You can see the general dollar value or pick that the fantasy community has attached to every player. Most importantly, you can just get used to the flow and feeling of how your draft or auction will play out. You will never leave your real draft saying, “Darn, I never should have done all those mock drafts.” Of course, we can help with our free Draft Simulator.

3. Thou shalt wait on thy quarterback

As I wrote here, the strategy of waiting on QBs and streaming throughout the season is a great one. I know that it’s boring to wait on QBs, but in single-QB leagues, it is without question the best way to go. While other players are filling up their QB spots in the early rounds, you can just gobble up all the running backs and wide receivers. And, unlike those positions, it’s rare that anyone drafts a backup QB before filling out their other starting spots. Plus, there are always plenty of QBs available throughout the season on the waiver wire. In other words, you can (and should) be one of the last owners to draft your QB, and be prepared to ditch him for streaming options throughout the season. Your team will be better for it.

4. Thou shalt not underestimate the need for running back depth

Yes, yes, of course. Wide receivers are more important than ever, and the old days when running backs ruled the world are over. But running backs get injured quite a bit more than other players just by the nature of the position. Your starting RBs are not going to survive the entire season, and you’re going to need depth. Even if your roster stays healthy, others’ won’t, and you’ll be in prime trading position. When I leave a draft, the first thing I think about is whether my starting lineup looks strong. The second is do I have good running back depth. If the answer to either is yes, I know I’m in good shape.

5. Thou shalt not draft a defense or kicker until the last two rounds

Sure, every once in awhile, a Seattle or a Chicago defense goes absolutely nuts, and the person who drafted them essentially got the equivalent of another stud running back. But for the most part, a) even the top defenses don’t score all that much consistently, and b) you can always stream defenses based on matchup. So, there’s no reason to take one before the second to last round. And kicker, seriously. They’re nearly a complete crapshoot. If you take a kicker before the last round, something has gone wrong. Or you’re related to Adam Vinatieri or something, in which case, you have my permission to draft him in the second to last round, and draft your defense in the final round. This is the lone exception to the fifth commandment.

6. Thou shalt trade like a gentleman (or gentlewoman, of course)

Ok, so a few things here. First, you want to make a trade offer? Great. Do not start with an awful, lopsided offer that has no chance of being accepted. That will always start your negotiations off on the wrong foot. You don’t have to lead with your best offer, but at least make a legitimate one. Second, nothing is worse than making a trade offer and not getting a reply. Reply to any and all trade offers, even if it’s just with a straight rejection. Third, never, and I mean never, make or accept an offer involving an injured player when your trading partner will get screwed over. The fantasy gods are real, dudes, and they are watching. Play nice.

7. Thou shalt separate thy real team from thy fantasy team

This one’s a toughie. Even I admit that I’ve let out the occasional mild fist pump when Tom Brady is on my fantasy team and he throws a touchdown against my Jets. But really, your real team comes first. Never root for your fantasy team at the expense of your real team. Sure, you can root for a 45-42 victory, where your fantasy QB torches your home team in a losing effort. But let’s keep it in perspective, people. Fantasy is just a game. Football, on the other hand, is . . . shoot. Well, ignore that last part. Just back your real team. They’ll still be around next year, but you’ll have a brand new fantasy team.

8. Thou shalt remain active on the waiver wire

Much more so than any other fantasy sport, fantasy football is about refining your team throughout the season with free agents. There are going to be injuries, either to players on your team or other teams, and your ability to grab a key replacement is vital. Even if your roster is healthy, you need to keep valuable free agents away from your opponents. BUT, that does not mean to constantly pick up free agents and drop them to keep them on waivers. That’s just bad form.

9. Thou shalt start thy studs

We all have a tendency to get a little too cute sometimes. Sure, there is the occasional week when one of your stud players is nursing an injury and has a terrible matchup, in which case you may need to start a bench player. But don’t go crazy based on a hunch. You’re reading this article, so you know that FantasyPros is your place to go for your weekly expert consensus rankings. If you’ve got a one or two spot difference and you have a strong feeling, go for it. But otherwise, don’t get too cute. Use the rankings and start your studs.

10. Thou shalt play out the season

You know that awful feeling when you need to win your final matchup and have another team lose in order to grab that last playoff spot, and you check his matchup and see that his opponent is starting two guys on IR? Don’t be that owner. I understand that missing the playoffs stinks, and I’m not saying you need to keep going crazy on the waiver wire. But set your roster, check your team, and make sure you give yourself a fighting chance each week. Your league-mates, and the fantasy gods, will appreciate it.

So, there you have it. Your 10 Fantasy Football Commandments. Obey them, and find success. And Laura, if your parents ever ask, please let them know that I still attend religious services every Sunday, and plan to do so without fail for the rest of my life (at least in the fall and most of winter).

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