I upset some folks last week by predicting… upsets. It was not intentional, nor did any of them come to fruition, so lay off me. There still seems to be some warp in the continuum where anytime the Chiefs are involved, the opposite of my predictions comes true. Plenty of my preseason predictions have already been spot-on, so the hope is that this weekly column will be like Coach Boone’s Split Veer in “Remember the Titans.”
Week 12 kicked off with a Thanksgiving triple-header, where one of my predictions from a Wednesday livestrean came through in a big way. I boldly claimed that NorCal native DaRon Bland wouldn’t waste any time breaking the pick-six record and would get it Thursday against the Commanders. Boom. Don’t worry; not a crumb of pie crust was spilled during my raucous celebration in front of bewildered (and maybe a bit frightened) in-laws. Hey, I make the mac and cheese and wear the cape. I make the whoosh noises.
Among the many things I feel immense gratitude for, my readers are very high on the list. Thank you. You never let me tame my wild flare for the dramatic and demand decadence and grandeur from me on a weekly basis. With how much tryptophan is coursing through my veins as I write this, a little spurring might be needed as I trudge through Black Friday and the Sunday slate. Though with fewer games, the matchups are ripe for craziness to ensue (cracks knuckles and leans forward in chair).
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Fantasy Football Hot Takes: Week 12
Rachaad White Erupts for 30 PPR Points; Bucs and Colts Combine for 70 Points in Defense-Optional Bonanza
The Colts and Buccaneers have each looked very good (and very bad) at times this season. The overall standings show these two teams to be middling in every sense. Indianapolis was feverishly anticipating a huge rookie season from Anthony Richardson before his shoulder injury snuffed it out. Tampa Bay has exceeded expectations, especially on the offensive side with Baker Mayfield and second-year RB Rachaad White.
White is not the type to excel in tight spaces, namely between the tackles, but is electric in the open field. His abilities as a receiver open up a world of possibilities for the offense, especially against a defense as porous as the Colts. Gardner Minshew has been serviceable in relief of Anthony Richardson and has enjoyed a smattering of QB1 performances. The Buccaneers are once again an extreme pass funnel defense, meaning it’s so difficult to run the ball on them that teams just air it out. I am hoping for my DFS lineups that this is the sneaky shootout that nobody else believes in.
Falcons Emerge From Bye Week With a New Purpose; Kyle Pitts Earns 10-Plus Targets and Scores a Touchdown, While Bijan Robinson Scores Twice in Upset Home Win Over Saints
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Oh, you have? I’m not delusional, I swear. No, Arthur Smith can’t keep contradicting common sense if he wants to remain an NFL head coach. Atlanta left skid marks in their chonis entering their Week 11 bye, despite facing the league’s easiest schedule. At 4-6, something has to give. They need to turn to… Demond Ridder (again)?
The Falcons’ offense needs to be more dynamic than it has been. The infuriating part is all the dynamic pieces have been there at Smith’s disposal the entire time, only to be inexplicably neglected. That ends this week. The Saints have a good defense, so the only favorable mismatches for Atlanta will come from Kyle Pitts and Drake London, along with Bijan Robinson. A loss here spells near-certain doom for Atlanta’s playoff chances. It’s put up or shut up time for coaching public enemy No. 1.
Justin Herbert Lights Up the Vaunted Ravens Defense with 300 Passing Yards, 50 Rushing Yards and Three Touchdowns; Chargers Hang On for a Change in a Sunday Night Upset
Something stood out to me a couple of weeks ago when the Baltimore Ravens choked away a late lead and fell to the Cleveland Browns. Their defense, while having a remarkable season, is sometimes overly aggressive and prone to mistakes. Justin Herbert will not be forgiving to a defense that breaks concentration and blows an assignment down the field. Deshaun Watson gashed Baltimore with his legs in that game, especially in the second half. Herbert is one of the most freakishly athletic QBs in the league and has shown more willingness to scramble this year.
The Ravens are still my AFC Super Bowl favorites, but that became a bit dicey with the loss of Mark Andrews for the rest of the season. Lamar Jackson will need his other receivers to take another step forward to score with talented offenses like Los Angeles. Brandon Staley’s employment is hanging on by a thread. That thread is perhaps only ownership’s reluctance to escrow another huge salary. A signature win in primetime could buy them time to stuff some extra rainy-day cash under the mattress until Black Monday.
DJ Moore Caps Off Week 12 With a Monday Night for the Ages With 10 Receptions for 150 Yards and Two Touchdowns in the Bears’ Double-Digit Road Win Over the Vikings
My guilty pleasure when watching tape is pulling up the Chicago Bears’ offense with Justin Fields. Chicago is a plucky bunch, whom I believe to be farther along in their rebuild than most realize. Fields has been fantastic since returning from his thumb injury, and we’re exalting the return to fantasy dominance for DJ Moore. The Bears are on the rise, while the Vikings’ carriage smells of rotting gourds and horse manure.
I nearly threw in a Ty Chandler hot take into the headline, but it just wasn’t spicy enough. He will flourish on Monday night against a very bad Chicago run defense. Joshua Dobbs‘ story is better than his actual performance, aside from some heroic improvised plays. Fields and Moore will be the primetime spectacle this time around, even outshining “The Passtronaut” and his elite WR named “Jet.”
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