The sport of professional football is toxic. It drives ordinary people into fanaticism and restless tremors. I know it can’t just be me. The madness is contagious. We even invented competitive games that hinge upon the events of other competitive games. Fantasy football is all about that action, boss. Get your skin in the game without touching the grass. The NFL season is an hourglass, with only a bit of sand left to descend before the Super Bowl in February. For traditional fantasy football leagues, however, there are only two weeks left to lose our collective minds over the twinkle and glimmer of the holiday backdrop.
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Week 15 was the quarterfinal round of the fantasy playoffs for most leagues. For those who have been playing this soul-snatching game for a while, it is known that the playoffs are an absolute crapshoot. Up is down, and inside is out. Some of the stars that brought your team to this point let you down, while your sixth-seeded opponent’s random desperation flex start made all the difference. There is no reason to be bitter because it will all assuredly even out over the years. Noah Brown and KJ Osborn simultaneously ripped my heart from my chest and caused me to levitate in harmonious glory. Miles Sanders did the same thing with the opposite result. This game should be fun. It is fun…for masochists.
Congratulations if you were fortunate enough to advance to the all-important semifinal round of your league’s playoffs. I have a dozen or so semifinal teams, of which I hold varying levels of confidence. They are all contenders at this stage, but nothing can be taken for granted. Week 16 is perhaps the most pivotal slate on the entire fantasy football calendar. A win this week guarantees a payout in most leagues, while a loss is a soul-crushing reminder that we truly know nothing and this game is as stupid as the people who sacrifice their self-esteem to play it. It’s no wonder my two favorite games to play are fantasy football and golf. They are two games that have us mindlessly addicted to the rush of that one good shot in an ocean of infuriating disappointment. While I am still hanging onto some optimism, here are the top fantasy football storylines for Week 16.
Strong Arm of T-Law
I would have loved to meet Ernest Hemingway. After Sunday’s game between the Dallas Cowboys and Jacksonville Jaguars, the obsession and anguish behind The Old Man and the Sea make a lot more sense. My beloved Cowboys held a 27-10 lead behind two touchdowns from Noah Brown. The game culminated in an overtime pick six, where an accurate Dak Prescott pass bounded off Brown’s hands and into the waiting arms of Rayshawn Jenkins. Lost in the snow blindness of the media coverage of the Cowboys’ collapse was another petal opening up in Trevor Lawrence‘s blossoming career.
Dallas had no answers for the young star QB and his merry band of “overpaid” WRs. Zay Jones and Christian Kirk shredded the Cowboys. Doug Pederson’s offense has been electric this season. Lawrence has been every bit of the pedigree he has shouldered since high school and is QB6 on the season. It’s funny how Urban Meyer had many convinced that T-Law was a bust. Now he’s putting up consecutive 30-point weeks with a sprained toe.
Secret Santa Stevenson
Heartbreak spread across the fantasy football world. A great many fantasy football managers were defeated in the first round of the playoffs when they decided to bench the hobbled Rhamondre Stevenson. He sprained his ankle on Monday night and sported a heavy limp in his return with a heavy tape job. How could we trust a player who looked so obviously injured just six days before? He jogged through limited practice all week and was no better than “uncertain” leading up to kickoff. Not only did he play, but he was RB5 in Week 15 with 24.8 PPR points. His 19 carries were surprising. The 172 rushing yards and a touchdown stunned everyone.
In retrospect, Stevenson would never sit out a game back in his hometown of Las Vegas. Not only that, but he was going to demand enough work to put on a show. The Raiders have an awful run defense, and it showed. Leaving Rhamondre Stevenson on the bench in the first round of the playoffs was a fatal error committed by some of the best fantasy football minds in the business. It happens. You deserve a tip of the cap for those who rolled the dice on a guy who brought them to this point. That’s the kind of intestinal fortitude it takes to win fantasy championships.
If You Started Johnson…Juwan
Everything has been quiet around the New Orleans Saints this season. Too quiet. Michael Thomas quickly drew the curtains on his season, and Alvin Kamara has been uncharacteristically mediocre most of the time. Dennis Allen has done a horrendous job in every facet, but he’s not Sean Payton and doesn’t draw national scrutiny. The team broke an unwritten rule and fired a better QB because he got injured. They then stuck with Andy Dalton despite his monumentally underwhelming play spurring a long losing streak. There has been one twinkling star in all of this dysfunction. His name is Juwan Johnson. The TE position has been a wasteland of inconsistency and injury-related strife, but the former Oregon Duck (by way of Penn State) has been an absolute rock for those who believe in him.
The Saints have effectively distracted us from a wide discovery of Johnson’s talent. They have former QB Taysom Hill classified as a TE. Rookie WR Chris Olave has impressed many with his production this season to overcome the Dalton effect. Johnson was not drafted in 2020 but has thoroughly outplayed third-round pick Adam Trautman from the same incoming class of TEs. In fact, Johnson has been a picture of consistency. He has been a TE1 (top-12) five times this season and is the only TE not named Travis Kelce with seven touchdowns on the campaign. His two-touchdown tirade over the Falcons on Sunday vaulted many into the semifinals. His remaining schedule is a bit more daunting, but I wouldn’t count him out anyway.
Mutiny on the Ark
Bring me Noah Brown. I just want to talk to him. The above intro only set the tone for how much anguish No. 85 for Dallas caused me on Sunday afternoon. Yes, he did score two touchdowns and was an effective chain-mover for Dak Prescott and the passing game. I had a five-leg pick’em parlay with four successful legs, hurtling toward a 20x payout. The last one hinged on Dak Prescott passing for more than 257.5 yards against the Jaguars. He was stuck at 256 on that fateful third down play in overtime, where he stepped to his left and flung a pass to Brown just beyond the line to gain. If Brown makes that catch, I win.
You’ve seen the highlights. I lost on that play. Noah Brown also helped me advance to the semifinals of a couple of leagues, but there is the paradox. I just want to talk to him. Brown has outplayed Michael Gallup for most of this season and is Dak’s preferred choice when the chips are down, and the defense is keying on CeeDee Lamb. Don’t let one massive failure on a single play scare you away from money in the bank. Dak will still entrust Noah, whose drops thankfully don’t come in pairs.
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