Running Diary: Week 13 (2021 Fantasy Football)
(The Fantasy Football Running Diary is an ongoing series by Tim Metzler, in which Tim records and shares what is happening in the NFL every Sunday. It may also include updates on his personal life.)
Paying attention to everything that’s happening in the NFL is a challenge. You’re busy. Don’t sweat it. You keep doing you, and let me do the work for you. This Running Diary will recap as many events as I can keep track of on Sunday, December 5th. Let’s do this!
12:05 PM (CST) – Here we go, babyyy! The Fantasy Playoffs are on the line. Are you on the verge of making it? On top of your league? Or are you just trying to play spoiler to someone fighting for a wild card spot? All are valid reasons to play, but the goal is the same: just win. Let’s do this.
12:08 – Nothing fun yet. I’m making bacon to pass the time. Life is better with bacon. I’m cooking a gourmet pack of thick-cut parmesan seasoned bacon. Be jealous.
12:13 – Kyler Murray to DeAndre Hopkins! They get the second TD of the day. They’ve both been out for roughly four weeks, so there are far too many desperate fantasy managers weeping tears of joy right now (myself included).
12:14 – Wowza! TDs galore. Jonathan Taylor is in for a short score. The man’s the steal of the first round of every fantasy draft this year. Zach Wilson hit Elijah Moore for a quick strike, and Gardner Minshew (remember him?) just tossed a sweet one to Dallas Goedert. Oh, and obviously, Tom Brady has a TD to Leonard Fournette. Some things never change. Man can’t be stopped.
12:20 – This. This is the injustice of fantasy football. Taken in the 4th/5th round range and doing NOTHING all year… Mike Davis (AKA The Big Bust) finally scores from 17 yards out. I’m literally projectile vomiting right now. Why is this happening in Week 13?!
12:21 – The Bears vs. Cardinals game is already over. It’s rainy here in the Windy City, and Cole Kmet just bobbled a pass right into Budda Baker‘s hands. Classic Bears. Baker almost took it to the house. Instead, Kyler and D-Hop will get another chance to make up for the lost time.
12:30 – There it is! Kyler Murray’s ankle sprain seems to be over. He scrambles 9 yards for the score.
12:35 – The Buccaneers strike again. Cameron Brate this time. They’re up on the Falcons 13-7.
12:36 – Justin Herbert has 2 TDs now. So does Keenan Allen. Chargers are getting hot at the right time.
12:47 – Still making brunch. On to the cheesy eggs. Jared Goff just handed TJ Hockenson a sweet 6 points in other news. Also, David Montgomery just punched in a hard-earned TD. The Bears fans are booing the coaching staff, but this offense has been moving smoothly, aside from two bobbled passes that turned into turnovers.
12:56 – The following words were written by a man who just spewed coffee everywhere due to the magnificent play of James Conner: “WHAT!!? HOW?!?”
12:56 – James Conner made a one-handed catch and sprinted into the end-zone. I’m not doing it justice, so imagine a ton of jukes and explosions and pretend it’s a Michael Bay film.
1:02 – Amidst my egg-making, I missed another Justin Herbert TD pass. The guy is going off.
1:15 – Halftime is approaching. Let’s check in on the games where I’ve neglected to invest any emotion. The Eagles are fighting off the Jets with some Minshew Magic. 21-18. Minshew looks good. 11/12 for 2 TDs. You have to wonder if there’s a QB competition brewing. Zach Wilson is also looking stellar. 12/14 for 2 TDs. The Lions are beating the Vikings and maybe about to score again. They lead 14-6. The Vikings are pretty beat up, but life without Dalvin Cook seems more challenging than usual. Losing to the Lions would be soul-crushing. The Dolphins lead the Giants 10-3. However, there is one scary stat. Tua Tagovailoa has completed 21 of 25 passes for only 136 yards. That’s an average of 6.5 yards. That indicates two things: the Dolphins have no vertical passing game, and they are afraid of letting Tua cut it loose. It’s high-efficiency or bust in Miami. The Colts lead the Texans (big surprise, yawn), 14-0. I’ll check back in once the breaks are over. Happy Sunday!
1:45 – Halftimes are ending, and already the Colts are creeping toward a blowout against Houston. 14-0, but it’s about to be more.
2:16 – I’m trying to memorize some lines for an audition I have coming up. Meanwhile, David Montgomery has seven receptions, and nearly 20 carries for 130 total yards and a TD. The Bears are down 14-24, but the Cardinals seem more vulnerable than usual.
2:18 – The Game of the Week has yet to start, but this Vikings vs. Lions matchup is fascinating. The Lions are still up, but Minnesota is finally gaining. It’s 15-20, and the Lions have yet to win a game. It’s anyone’s guess when they’ll blow this game: by the start of the 4th quarter or in the final seconds of the game.
2:46 – These early games are getting out of hand. The Chargers are too much for the Bengals. It looks like the Herbert vs. Burrow comparisons sustain for now. The Eagles are too far up on the Jets for a comeback. Even the Cardinals aren’t keeping the Bears in this one. Murray just ran in another TD. That’s two rushing and two passing for him. If he played the entire season, I think he’s the MVP. By far, the most intriguing matchup is the Vikings and Lions. The Vikings need this win to keep their Wild Card dreams afloat. The Lions are just hungry for kneecaps.
2:58 – Forget it. I don’t know why I play with the idea that the Lions could win. Poor Detroit. A 4th down attempt and fumble in their territory—Vikings with a chance to snatch victory from the jaws of the Detroit Kittens.
3:13 – IT HAPPENED! THE LIONS WIN! OH, MY WORD!!! HOW?! WHY?! KNEECAPPPPS!
3:25 – The afternoon games are starting, but I’m prepping to embark on a week-long trip of shows on the east coast, so I’m going to tune out until later. Also going to take the wife out for date night tonight. Good luck until I’m back!
9:00 – Well, I’m sorry I missed the Pittsburgh vs. Ravens game. The Steelers took down the Ravens in a close one, and now Big Ben’s squad is a half-game out of a Wild Card spot. The AFC North is wild.
9:01 – Patrick Mahomes has a rushing TD so far but has had a hard time sustaining drives against this stout Denver defense. Javonte Williams has finally been unleashed, though. Melvin Gordon is out, and the rookie RB is showing up big. If only the rest of the offense would too.
9:30 – PUNT RECOVERED BY Byron Pringle! Are the Chiefs about to score again?
9:35 – No. Boring. Another field goal. This game is not exciting in the slightest.
9:43 – Real talk. If Melvin Gordon is out of Denver next year, Javonte Williams has a chance to finish Top-10 at RB. He’ll be worth his (I assume) second-round draft value in 2022.
9:55 – 4th down, and Javonte Williams just… uh… literally walked into the end zone. Going for two aaaaaand…
9:56 – NO GOOD. This game has some juice left. Let’s get some more action, please?!
10:15 – I was wrong; this game has no juice. It’s drier than a raisin in the Sahara.
10:35 – Welp. What a dud. Sunday nights have been more boom than bust this year, but that was boring. Anyway, the takeaway of the game for me is this: Javonte Williams needs to be the guy in Denver. No more of this ridiculous timeshare with Melvin Gordon. Feed! Javonte! Williams had 178 total yards, six receptions, and a TD. He carried the offense for the Broncos. Regardless of what they do, that’s it from me. Have a great week, and I’ll see you next Sunday for the last week before the fantasy playoffs!
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